Approaching winter thoughts

*It is very weird how some little drops of rain can change the mood; it is weird how simple things can affect us.
*I adore costal cities and particularly our Alexandria, I love the weather, the view, the sunrise the hanging outs but when it comes to swimming, I prefer Marsa Matrouh and never thought of Alexandria.
*It is very complicated when you take some time to think wisely about the father and son relationship, and the way you will use to raise your child.
*I always wanted to be a friend with my father but succeeded to do so only in the last five years, so I am trying to be a better friend with my son from his first days.
*I love the big gatherings of friends as much as I love the gang of three going outs, in the end I always feel both are needed from time to time, to melt in the crowd sometimes and to talk freely with no boundaries with friends for other times.
*I really hate to stay alone but sometimes I prefer the solitude or the company of a book to the company of certain people in my life.
*I love the casual people I meet every day around me because simply they were the ones chosen for me to see each day in my life, although most of them are not even my type.
*I stayed a long time not moving and it is time to make a move, I cannot believe how true this sentence is right now.
*I need to stay a while reading and exploring new places and new things, I feel I am living an output life for so long and I need a new input phase in my life to be able to continue.
*Something weird happened to me these days, some new feelings are conquering my world, I begin to loose interest in lots of my principal activities and my head is full with new ideas and new ideas but I have a lake of time to fulfil them.
*After a long discussion with several of my old married friends, I discovered it is somehow hard or unpleasant for them to live a simple faithful marital life in a community like ours.
*Facing all the bad intentions and the ugly feelings we meet in our daily routine, most of the people are relieved to live with two different personalities at least.
*People need to have any kind of a second life in order to have any kind of hope to fulfil what they miss or fail to do in their principal real life.
*People never stop needing things and running after new technology and new crazy ideas, it is a global rush to catch what they think they will miss before death.
*Robberies and frauds are everywhere these days, people are getting hungry, life is being from hard to difficult and the next phase will be a disaster.
*I need a big shower under the rain to restore my winter spirit again and get rid of this silly summer spirit that is holding me.

A Tuesday with a funeral

The weather is magnificent, the sun is shining strongly, the colours are fascinating and the temperature is moderate, a perfect time for a vacation by the sea, which was all what I was thinking during my way to work in the morning.
The day started normally at work, I began by ending all the suspended issues from yesterday, some phone calls some paper work and finally a short call to my wife to wish her a good day and to ask about my son.
My college in the department surprised me with some bad news, the mother of one of our superiors dyed and we have to attend the funeral today’s morning.
I thought about the weather and felt some happiness inside me, because I will go out, I was thrilled I would enjoy some of this sun even if it will be in the grave yard, it seams like work is driving me crazy.
I went to the funeral alone and tried to enjoy the cruise as much as I could, after the funeral I went to one of the parkings by the sea, took some photos and enjoyed 10 minutes of peace with myself and then went back to work.
Had to work until 6 PM and despite all what happened it was a long Tuesday, went to a weird place beside Elshalalat Park to drink one cold Kharoub from “Elhalaby”, parked my car beside the park, laid the chair of my car to the back and fell asleep for almost an hour.
When I walked up it was night and my car was surrounded with Taxi drivers, the whole street was full of Cabs, it was like a rest place for them and they were all gathered around one Tea Maker working with some simple tools in the park.
I went down to the Tea maker and ordered one cup, while waiting for my cup I knew his name was “Morsi” and was surprised how he knows all the Taxi drivers names and of course they all are shouting non stopably with his name every 5 minutes. I listened to some weird stories from him about the people he meets every day all the way to the end of my cup of tea.
I went then to my other job deep in Mansheya, enjoyed a street fight between some decent ladies, full of lovely words and fascinating sounds, I was a bit tired but once I opened my laptop all the energy came back to my head and worked for two hours continuously like a work addicted.
Finally, it was time for some fun; normally the fun in my day has only two sources, my son and wife the first source or the old gang as a first substitution. I will call home if they are still awake I will spend the night with them if they are gone I will search for my friends, what a day.

Reasonable Anger

I wanted to run away from all what was surrounding me, I was very upset, mad, furious and wanted anything to get me away of this specific world, I wanted to write and write all my thoughts of anger forgetting all this environment and trying to get rid of this anger in a peaceful way.

May be it’s not totally a brave act from my part , may be I should reacted immediately, may be lots of things but what I am sure of is that it is always better to respond later. It is better to prepare your respond and your words, it is better always to react from a strong stable point and not a rush hazy one.
It was a common conversation that made me realize that, how pathetic and silly to fight and kill yourself and give all your energy in a rotten place and for a rotten case with rotten people. How you should have chosen your future and path wisely before choosing the fights and the different ways of overcoming obstacles, how you should have chosen your mates, your team members and whom exactly will you avoid totally if you ever had the choice.
I was learning the lesson of my life in the hardest and slowest way ever, day by day and bit by bit, I am now in the phase of learning from my mistakes instead of blaming the universe about my miserable life.
It is like hitting a great dam every day in the morning with a hammer, hoping that one day you can tare this dam down, but deep inside you know it is impossible, it will never happens and you still fight for it to happen with the same passion and powerful spirit until you win or just dye fighting.
I am sure I will calm myself in minutes and will overcome my anger to complete my day in work, I am sure also somehow I will make fun of what happened today and will end up laughing at all this situation, may be this is my way to overcome such bad feelings or unfair circumstances.

Life in an upside down view

-Most of the love stories I have seen or lived were forbidden relationships and were doomed with failure from the first minute and yet in the memories of people they represent the love story of their lives. Although regular love stories, when you think everything is perfect the parents, the friends and the circumstances they only fail a bit later, sometimes even after marriage and children.
-Love for a large number of people I know is like a big lovely dream, a dream you have for several nights, a dream that ends in the land of reality, when all the masks fall and people return to act like human beings and not angels, in the end they prefer an arranged marriage over a love story, may be to be more secured, with all the good and the bad surprises it brings.
-One of my teeth was hurting me for sometime; I delayed the dentist visit for months, even in Ramadan I supported pain without painkillers. After fixing the bad tooth, I discovered that the fear of the dentist visit is sometimes bigger than the pain itself, and you end up supporting more pain for a long time instead of a small one-time pain.
-The choice we have in life is mainly based on the way you decide to live and deal with life and people around you. You loose if you continue as a normal human being with all his mistakes and you win if you overcome your humanity and choose to be a superior creature dealing with life in a different way, helping, contributing and changing it into a better life for you and the people around you.
-The people who are leaders by nature are never afraid of competence or challenge; they usually earn their position in life and between people from helping others around them, and not as most of people think by using people around them.
-It is very hard to have one defined strategy when it gets to raise a child, you only should keep the faith and try to be always honest in everything you do or say, keeping in mind you are always seen as a raw model and you represent the source of love for someone.
- Getting older makes you appreciate elder people more and more and make you seek and enjoy the company of your parents and grandparents more than ever, but suddenly you find yourself away of the youth new language and terms, which makes you feel how aged you got.
- Friends are sometimes the reason of your happiness in life but in other times the source of the real pain you ever feel, but usually the least you expect, the best you get.
-Sometimes you are forced to deal with bad people for long times and you end up surprised with a natural act of goodness.
-It is never about a certain place or a certain time or luxury at all, if you choose your companions carefully, you will enjoy every moment you spend, even if you are changing a flat tire in the middle of the desert.
-Some people loose their hope in their marriage after a week, others after a month, sometimes after a year, most of the people after 7 years, and few of them never loose hope in their marriage and continue living happily until the end of their marriage.
-Success is totally related to happiness; don’t show me a wealthy business man living a lonely sad life trying to convince me this is success, I think the real success you reach in your life equals the number of people who loves you and care about you.

Illogical Confusions

-I had two training courses early this summer, one of them turned much better than I thought from all ways, I benefited of it more than I ever imagined and I enjoyed my time learning again, the other was a total mess full of lunches and coffee brakes with nothing to gain as knowledge.
-Death is inevitable, it sometimes touches us, other times touches someone we love but it is all around even if we try to ignore its existence.
-what is the use of a vacation when you don’t have the spirit to enjoy it, when you are always distracted by memories and thoughts.
-In tragic moments some people really shows what they are made of, others can deceive any one even themselves.
-it is very touchy to see how someone affected the life of others and how he will be missed in the eyes of small children before the hearts of the grown ups.
-When you love the people and you try your best to help and care for them you end up appreciated even from your enemies.
-It became harder for me to deal with my mother although my relation ship with elders has improved over years, either I begin to loose my temper or she became a very nervous person, any way I must regulate things to their original conditions.
-Sometimes I get confused about the true nature of someone, whether he is a good or a bad person but I figured out no one can be simply jugged, people just have abilities to be bad or good and according to several conditions you get the best or the worse of them.
-I only can never understand how someone lives hating every one around him, and wonders why people are always away of him.
-It is only a matter of persistence, you keep trying to be good with people around you and one day you will be, you keep trying to be helpful to others and one day you will be, you keep trying to be a good husband and son and one day you will be, you keep trying to pray each day despite all distraction and one day you won’t miss a prayer.
-I always act as if I am a bad insensitive person may be cause sometimes I feel it is the right thing to be, but when it comes to the real action, I discover I am very weak in front of goodness.
-It is a lovely thing to have two male brothers and you still need friends, but we only meet in weekends and sometimes I get to know their news only from Face Book or from my mother’s tails.
-I never understood why I feel responsible about this weird relationship between me and my brothers may be because one day I chose to stay away of them, but any way I will keep trying till the end.
-It is somehow easy to be a good friend but it is somehow very hard to keep a friendship with a brother, a weird unpleasant fact of life.
-It is very hard for someone like me to admit that the book is still one of my best friends; I only forget how good it was for sometime now.
-The far away dream of living a normal simple life, a life with quality time for your wife and children, a life with time to enjoy and have fun, a life with time to read and gain knowledge, a life with time for your parents and big family, a life with time to improve your community.
-This is becoming now a fairy tale, a fairy tale only to live life as you wish and not as it was planned for you. You will have only your weekend of two days to do all your physical, intellectual and social needs, which is impossible, cause in the other hand your whole week is stressed with work night and day, and you hardly have time to sleep.

The wild nature at "Raas El Hekma Bay"

Here again may be for the third or fourth year am in a 4 day trip to this heaven called Disney Beach in the north coast Rass el7ekma bay, you can never imagine such a forgotten place exists in Egypt, forgotten by its owners, the hand of maintenance haven’t visited this old hotel and surroundings from 6 years ago when its owners had a dispute and left the place to a bad manager waiting for a solution to their case to drop from the skies.
The rooms in the hotel are below two stars, no such thing as room service, from 5 to 8 people are working here and the same one who do your bed when you first arrive is the one who serve you by the sea for the rest of the vacation.
You can give all the comments you need but no one listens it is a chaos but the magic you see on the beach the crystal blue water, the white sand, the colours of the nature the bushes of green landscape beside the white desert and the clear blue colour of the water it is magic and no one can deny it, you can meet Greeks from Cairo or Italians from Alexandria you can meet very sophisticated persons and very low standard people aside, a cute lady in a bikini with a funny big dog running by the beach and just aside you can find some poor workers enjoying the sun and the sea in crazy outfits, it could be a secret place for lots of people but it is no doubt one of the best beaches in Egypt.
In the end you find yourself sacrificing lots of luxury to enjoy the sea and the sun and the wonderful nature, you find yourself satisfied despite the bad service and the rarity of goods in general, but you are satisfied by the nature you can’t find in the most luxurious place.

Summer of 2009 quick brief

-My summer annual vacation was ruined by ten days of work.
-A very hot but short summer this year, began late and Ramadan is in mid August.
-The weather until mid July was generally marvelous, turning to medium hot in August there is no real temperature this year although I can hardly enjoy swimming this year.
-My father in Law passed away after three weeks of painful illness, he was a blessed person loved from all people around him, he was strong and kind till his last moment.
-I would love to have the same end if it will lead me to heaven; it is wonderful to be loved in your life and after your death, the real measurement of success.
-My wife is pregnant; the weirdest news I have heard and we least expected after the tragic event we had, for me I am happier than I thought I would be, and it is the same for everybody I think.
-My son Yahiya is becoming adorable day after day, I think the new comer will make him happier and will give him someone else to fight with each day.
-Wanted to do many things to my mother in law may be because she is a very sensitive person, rarely happy and also Yahiya’s favorite person, I really love this elegant woman.
-People are trying to catch the last days of vacation before Ramadan as if enjoyment is forbidden in Ramadan or life will end shortly.
-Lots of paper work and procedures needed from me to be done these days, dealing with our bureaucracy in governmental institutions is a forced pleasure over our heads.
- It is a strange feeling when you meet someone you use to know and you both agree just by a simple look that there will be neither salutes nor words. You simply pass her as if you never met before while remembering all the details of a past relationship. You simply discover it was the best way to prevent from hurting anyone from both sides and a kind way to remember a deep respected relationship.
-You can never compare the traffic in Cairo by the traffic in Alexandria although Alexandria is more than crowded these days.
-I intend to spend my last weekend before Ramadan in Kreir to catch up with old friends and may be enjoy the beach and the sea for the last time.
-It is very hard to gain new friends in my age although sometimes I feel I need a new trusted friend to share my new life with, someone with no restraining history.
-I must return to read the blogs I used to read each day, it was like an educational amusement and the funniest way of gaining knowledge.
-Sometimes you feel that work is an equal amusement as vacation, but I think this is not healthy way of thinking.

The last fragments of our lives

How many things in life wanted to be done, how many goals in minds needed to be reached and how many objectives in heads that wanted to be fulfilled?
You get distracted first by some false ideals or some tricky goals that wont help you or any one else in live, and you are driven into bullshit life slowly you only realize that too late to be fixed.
Only few people get the time to realize things in life see it in a good reasonable way, and succeed to change their lives toward this new concept or understanding.
It is easy to live the realization part but so hard to witness the transformation phase in your present life.
May be you get the time to write your experience for others to benefit from it but it will never be the experience how you changed your life to be a better one if you aimed for the truth.
It will always be how you played the game your way to win what you thought it would be the prize, how the play played you instead and what you realized, won or lost during this life time.
If you dare write such a book it will be an interesting one though, it will always be interesting to watch life through the eyes of another person.
Some wise man once said it is better to regret the things you did in life than to regret the things you did not do, it is better to live life to its extremes, to experience new things and to fall sometimes than to live safely waiting for death.
From our daily experience, our written history, our own logic, humans are subject to mistakes, failures and crimes at different levels.
Some are good others are bad but we all share the human part, we all do mistakes and no one is flawless, we are all thinners to a point but it is how you evaluate your whole life not a simple mistake.
So simply this is life as we know it, it won’t change , we won’t change we will only live it and enjoy it as we can while we can, cause what ever you planned for your future, has nothing to do with what was planned for you in this life.
Your life will always chock and surprise you to different levels till the day you dye, you may just plan for your after life in order to guarantee any thing in this messy weird life but try to make it a good arrangement, in order not to loose in both lives.

It seams...

¨ Fighting more is my destiny despite what I wished for myself.
¨ I finally must apply some rules to my life.
¨ I finally must change some of my habits.
¨ I will have to improve my way of living and my income in the near future.
¨ I will have to work on a pioneer idea to get money for real this time.
¨ People won’t ever change and life is to be accepted as it is.
¨ In today’s world It is easier to live carelessly following all your primary instincts and wild desires and harder to live with ethics and manners respecting people around you.
¨ Fun is the most luxurious commodity these days.
¨ Running, skipping and escaping are temporary solution for confrontations.
¨ People are mainly seeking for comfort words and just some sympathy from their daily talks.
¨ You need to talk with a small child, a teenager and an old man just to realize where you stand from your life.
¨ We are attached to earth through the people we love; instead flying away would have been one of the best solutions.
¨ It is very hard these days to simply enjoy what you do for living.
¨ I loose my mind while watching my son playing, thinking how will I guide him through this maze we call life.
¨ Appreciation always comes after a point where regret is no longer an option.
¨ People love for many reasons but hate for no reason at all.
¨ A real hug from a small child is not comparable to any hug you had before.
¨ A woman plays the role you set for her in your life; she just accepts what you already offered, despite how ever you see things..
¨ A woman is much sweeter companion and a man is much compatible companion.
¨ You spend your life doing things and you discover in the end that no one watched you carefully except for your wife.
¨ In today’s world, people are afraid of media more than crisis, viruses, plagues and even more than wars and disasters, it is that monster that misguides them all the time.
¨ Everything now is forbidden and not safe to eat, everything is polluted some how some way, everything around us leads to an infection or a decease, people became numbed and they don’t care any more.
¨ Summer days are longer, hotter and exhaustingly funny in the other hand winter days are shorter, mood enhancer and relaxingly funny.
¨ I have an endless erg for reading, meeting new people, visiting new places and enjoying a nice dinner with old friends.
¨ We are all exceptionally normal people, normal to each other and exceptional only to ourselves.